Things have finally taken an interesting turn during this last week. I woke up on the Wednesday and suddenly spotted a rotundity under my navel. I tried to flex my core as usual, but I stumbled upon a force that was pushing the muscles contraction back. I then realised that was my uterus (and Frosty) changing gears and deciding it was time to decently show a little.
Our very own Frosty is now the size of a grapefruit, while my uterus is the size of the slight small-to-medium size cantaloupe.
Franz likes to say Frosty is the size of a chicken breast; that makes me feel bad about eating chicken breasts now, so I might go for chicken thighs or just lamb. What a sacrifice.
Apparently Frosty at the moment is covered with vernix, a white protective coating that saves their skin from any potential damage happening in the womb. I read that some babies are born with this coating even though it tends to disappear as the 37th and 40th weeks get closer.
I also read in the Pregnancy+ app that Frosty is supposed to be awake only for a bunch of hours – around five to seven hours a day.
I seriously start thinking that my baby has gotten my sleeping genes, as most of the time they tend to perform their tornado-kicking shows for more than six hours a day.
Yesterday Frosty didn’t stop one moment to kick and remind me they’re alive (and – in fact – kicking) throughout the entire journey from the UK to Hungary – yes, I’m writing from Budapest!
At last they settled down after dinner, which was later than usual though!
As I mentioned earlier, this week my weight went up a whopping 500g (47.3kg today – 103.8lbs, from last week’s 46.6kg – 102.7lbs). That’s a lot if compared with the very slow pace my weight gain has been on since the first updates of Frosty’s gestation.
I expect now to see a consistent weight gain between 500g and 1kg per week. The ship has sailed.
The body image issue dilemma
What I didn’t expect is my inner and visceral reaction to this weight gain acceleration. I posted a massive rant on Instagram and Facebook last week, lamenting about people bump blaming me for not showing enough – which is obviously nothing I have any control over:
I received a lot of support and love, and I deeply appreciate all these good vibes coming from friends and social media folks who happened to cross their paths with my post.
Nevertheless, when last Wednesday I saw my bump timidly popping up for real, and the number in the scale increasing, my initial reaction wasn’t joy, or relief. It was terror and a light feeling of desperation – yes, you read it right.
Don’t get me wrong, it reassures me to see some tangible proof that:
- Frosty is doing okay in there;
- My body is getting fat storage and blood supplies to nurture and sustain a new life;
- I’m also growing a brand new organ to support Frosty – the placenta.
Yet, it’s tough to accept my new dynamic body in evolution, seeing my abs fading, my legs getting fluffier than ever and growing cellulite, my lower back gaining fat tissue as it’s never happened before, the numbers in the scale ramping up, and so on.
For an individual (and athlete) who’s always chased the best, most toned and strong physique possible, all those changes steering the whole body into a softer status aren’t easy to digest.
On the other hand, I know that this is actually the best and most strong physique I could get and work on to achieve my ultimate, temporary goal, which is delivering a healthy Frosty in the world.
It’s just a matter of stop being so hard on myself all the time, but I want to be honest with myself first, and then with Frosty, and Franz, and the rest of the world. Hiding such feelings is counter productive, and I know I’m not alone in this situation.
It also helps having a good desperate cry from time to time between Franz’s arms, and hearing him say that I’m the most beautiful thing he’s ever seen, and I’m getting more beautiful day by day because all in all I am still fit and healthy, I can still lift a good amount of weights, and most of all because I’m growing a life in this tiny, strong, resilient body of mine.
It sounds cliché, but it’s such a precious bright-side-reality-check for my torn and troubled mind.
Wandering around Budapest!
Frosty and I are in Budapest for the annual team meetup I also mentioned in my latest DailyPinner post.
We had a nice brief walk towards the city centre this morning just to move a bit my legs after a day of travelling, and tomorrow we’re going to spend the day exploring the inner city with the team. Hope to post more pics in the next updates!